Lorenzo Alcazar (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} last_standing) wrote,@ 2009-02-08 13:54:00 |
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private I don't wake up in cold sweats. I don't have nightmares. I just open my eyes and try to forget, try to move on. Their was a time I would have called them nightmares, things that plagued and haunted me when I slept, expect they just don't appear when I sleep. I see reminders every where I go.
I've lived in his city for most of my life, but the majority of my time I've spent in Brooklyn. I pass the alley behind the Chinese restaurant where I first met Dennis. The old apartments he and Angelina used to live in, the corner market I used to visit with Oscar to get drinks. The bar we all used to hang out in after the old crew left town and Angelina took the charge. The same place she told me to run the night Dennis died, the night I let him die.
Their less like dreams and more similar to memories I wish would go away, that I could forget. I can't call them nightmares, not when I'm wake. Truth of the matter is, there are some memories I can't afford to forget. Lessons in life I wish I didn't have to learn, but that I'm better with knowing.
I don't now why I lost my temper , it was like the flip of a switch. its nothing I haven't experienced before, but normally where Eva is involved its more verbal than anything. I don't know if it was the fact her comment about Antonia got to me or my own guilt for knowing my daughter's a world away from me. Their are reasons , dozens of reasons. You could pick them out of a hat if you wanted, my enemies, her fathers enemies or just the plain and simple fact, bad things happen to people around me. " Proximity Damage" is what Shepard called it.
Its pretty easy to figure out what happened next, mostly because I'm not without my own faults. Just like most fights I tend to get into it got ugly, but this time it was different. Whether you want to say feelings were involved or the hits weren't just superficial
.private unlockedIt call came to a head a few days later, I should beat Rock over the head, for locking us in that office. Granted it was a pretty good plan, but I know initially when Eva and I were stuck in that office. Their were more things thrown than, actually talked about. Taking definitely isn't my strong suit, but I guess if you lock me in a room long enough I eventually have to say something? Then again it not just something, but the why? I've got my share of demons, just like anyone else. Its just not a reason to act like asshole, Eva's word not mine. Not that I won't argue the point, it was pretty dead on.